Ayin Hara

I asked a simple question on the Resolve "Pregnancy after Infertility" board and I was astonished at the sheer quantity (and quality)of response.

My question was : "Jewish women: are you having a baby shower? Decorating your nursery?"

For those not in the know, there is a strong taboo in Jewish tradition against bringing anything into the house meant for not-yet-born baby. It's said that this could attract dark spirits, or the "evil eye".

This is very much the case with the older generation and is very strong amongst the Conservative/Orthodox streams of Judaism as well. I consider myself Reform/Reconstructionist (as is my family) but old habits die hard. I know that my sisters never had a shower. I remember my mother being horrified that my long-since-ex sister-in-law had a shower.

So, the wonderful women of the Resolve board answered my call, with answers ranging from "no, nothing is entering my house till the baby arrives IN the house" to "a little of this, a little of that" to "I'm decorating and having showers, too" and everything in between. It's always fascinating to me to see how beautiful and diverse Judaism is. I could never imagine being a different religion/spirituality. There is so much room for individuality. And I say that as a relatively secular person - and maybe that's why. But I digress.

As for me, while dreams of Pooh bear dance in my head, the farthest I've gotten in planning the nursery third bedroom is to think "Ok, I need to prime this room". Something stops me from going further. And the same with baby clothes/furniture/anything. I have bought nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. I've surprised myself with my own reticence.

Now given, I am only 4 months along ... but something has stopped me in my tracks while hanging out at the nearest Targez. I've bought for friends, I've bought for co-worker's daughters whom I've never met. But not so much as a sock has entered my house.

I found this interesting article Jewish Life Cycle/Rituals: To Shower or Not. As I read through, a couple of paragraphs in particular made me catch my breath:

"Yet there are many in the observant community who will not buy so much as a sock. Some say that the tradition of shunning the baby shower is not just ancient superstition: it serves a deeper communal need.

It's not just about the couple having the baby, they say. It's about all the other couples that can't. Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz and his late wife wrestled with infertility for years before adopting. When they did begin the adoption process, "we didn't even tell people when we had an adoptive opportunity, because we were afraid of ayin hara -- of bad energy," said the rabbi, a spiritual leader at the Orthodox synagogue Young Israel of Oceanside in New York.

Rabbi Schwartz was not literally afraid of demons. He feared waking the cosmic wheels of action and reaction that he believes return to us just what we give out. In this case, he knew that his happiness might cause pain for some childless couple, and their unhappiness would some day come back to bite him."

I have never considered myself particularly superstitious, but I have found out that I do believe in those "cosmic wheels of action and reaction". Or in modern terms "what goes around, comes around".

So I wait. I am not sure how long I'll wait. Perhaps tomorrow I'll see the cutest little outfit and will *have* to buy it. I don't know. I just don't want to tempt the ayin hara. Maybe that is also the reason for my ambivalence about finding out the gender. I don't know.

Call me superstitious. Go ahead. I hate feeling like I'm still living in Fear but it seems that he's still on the playground, laughing.