"You're one cm dilated".
I nearly fell over. After all, my cervix was long and closed just last week. I guess all that coughing did its job.
Also, GBS negative, platelets holding around 100,000. So, it looks like we're on for Tuesday. OB wants to do a Foley balloon induction with pitocin. I've done a little reading and lean more towards Foley without pitocin to start.
Any thoughts out there? BTDT moms?
Now to get the house ready. No, not for the baby's arrival. For the arrival of my mother, of course ...
Tuesday. Ack.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Getting closer now
I'm finally starting to feel better. The cough belays that but ... it too is better. At least I'm not in danger of running out of incontinence pads again. Kleenex, maybe.
Imri is better too and that is the best news. I just seem to have gotten this illness a lot harder and heavier than anyone else. What can I say? I have a crappy immune system at the best of times, never mind when pregnant. It would just be nice to get a few consecutive hours of sleep without waking from coughing or needing to pee. Or from a small boy calling for his mommy at 3:30, 4:00, 5:00 and 5:45. Not sure what that was about last night.
Monday had me at Dr High Risk's office for my last NST - baby once again scored 8 of 8 and it was my favourite sonographer this time. There were many tears and hugs and I've basically been told "send us pictures!". They're done with me. Unless my platelets drop further.
Last check they were 94,000. I think I am having them redone tomorrow, probably before my last OB appointment prior to induction. *gulp*. If they stay low, steroids will be coming my way. But it looks like Tuesday is a go. *gulp*. Last time it was "hey, your fluid is low, off to the hospital with you NOW". I sort of prefer that to this waiting game.
Imri is growing by leaps and bounds, primarily in his language skills. John and I are pretty blown away by the things he says, yet when I come here to detail his many delights, they seem to escape me. One of his cuter escapades involved him requesting some papers from my desk. When denied his request, Imri said "Imri have them". I replied that no, they were not his. He looked concerned. "Imri want them!" was the next statement, made with some urgency. I replied with a slightly melodic version of a well-known Stones tune. Imri became very upset. He looked up at me and said seriously and emphatically .. "Imri NEED them!!!!"
At which point John and I both lost it.
He is growing up in other ways, too. He used to always rock to sleep in John or my arms ... now he wants us to put him in his crib and fall asleep that way. *sniff*. I miss those snuggles, even if it has grown quite difficult with the size of my belly.
And I am trying not to think of the challenges of keeping two under two happy. Yes, I am frightened. Terrified, actually. La la la la la nothing to see here, move along ...
I will keep The Internets posted about my OB appointment tomorrow.
Imri is better too and that is the best news. I just seem to have gotten this illness a lot harder and heavier than anyone else. What can I say? I have a crappy immune system at the best of times, never mind when pregnant. It would just be nice to get a few consecutive hours of sleep without waking from coughing or needing to pee. Or from a small boy calling for his mommy at 3:30, 4:00, 5:00 and 5:45. Not sure what that was about last night.
Monday had me at Dr High Risk's office for my last NST - baby once again scored 8 of 8 and it was my favourite sonographer this time. There were many tears and hugs and I've basically been told "send us pictures!". They're done with me. Unless my platelets drop further.
Last check they were 94,000. I think I am having them redone tomorrow, probably before my last OB appointment prior to induction. *gulp*. If they stay low, steroids will be coming my way. But it looks like Tuesday is a go. *gulp*. Last time it was "hey, your fluid is low, off to the hospital with you NOW". I sort of prefer that to this waiting game.
Imri is growing by leaps and bounds, primarily in his language skills. John and I are pretty blown away by the things he says, yet when I come here to detail his many delights, they seem to escape me. One of his cuter escapades involved him requesting some papers from my desk. When denied his request, Imri said "Imri have them". I replied that no, they were not his. He looked concerned. "Imri want them!" was the next statement, made with some urgency. I replied with a slightly melodic version of a well-known Stones tune. Imri became very upset. He looked up at me and said seriously and emphatically .. "Imri NEED them!!!!"
At which point John and I both lost it.
He is growing up in other ways, too. He used to always rock to sleep in John or my arms ... now he wants us to put him in his crib and fall asleep that way. *sniff*. I miss those snuggles, even if it has grown quite difficult with the size of my belly.
And I am trying not to think of the challenges of keeping two under two happy. Yes, I am frightened. Terrified, actually. La la la la la nothing to see here, move along ...
I will keep The Internets posted about my OB appointment tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sick again
This sucks. I have a full-out, full-blown cold/flu/respiratory infection, complete with dripping nose, hacking cough and accompanying crud. Can't sleep except for sitting up and we all know how restful that is. The violence of the coughing fits is only surpassed by the need to wear a pad. Constantly. Because I have no bladder control anymore, so it seems. One of the docs at work took pity and gave me an Rx for antibiotics. And a prescription hemorrhoid cream. I'm just saying.
Fuck.
My visit to Dr High Risk started out with an absolutely lovely drive down I-270 in the rain, together with 100,000 of my other driving cohorts, none of whom seemed to grasp that a light drizzle really doesn't necessitate driving at 20 mph. Honest. Somewhere in the midst of which, my beloved husband who was driving our son to daycare, called me to tell me that Imri was puking in the car and John was turning around to bring him home. And could I please do the same?
My attempts to reassure said beloved husband that the puking was most likely due to the beginnings of a cold/mucus storm together with the consumption of milk seemed to fall on deaf ears and an increasingly upset husband. My attempts to explain the need for this appointment with Dr High Risk received the same response. Not that there was anywhere I could go ... I was stuck on the highway with no nearby exit.
After having a small snit, John realized that I truly was stuck and that because of the violence of the coughing fits, a check of my fluid level was very important. Better yet, once home Imri settled down with no further episodes of vomiting, a great appetite and good cheer. Which freed me to continue fighting my way through highway hell. I arrived at my appointment only 25 minutes late or so .... grrrr.
The sonographer wasn't my favourite but you can't ask for everything - what I did ask for and get was a decent fluid measurement - 10cm, down from 12 the week before but to be expected, all things considered. Cord pressure was great, heartbeat in the 160s. Baby girl scored 8 of 8. The sonographer encouraged me to continue drinking 2-3 liters a day to which I raised a brow ... hard to do when you pee out everything you drink upon coughing... but I digress. Dr Risky's office doesn't do cervix checks past 34 weeks but stressed the need to call my OB and let them know about the coughing fits, etc.
Which I did and my indifferent OB's office first asked me why I was bothering to tell them this ("but are you having contractions?") and then told me to keep my appointment for tomorrow, which I had planned to do anyway. I think they need to do the strep test anyway as I am nearly 36 weeks so they probably will check my cervix. Ack. That's always so much fun this late in pregnancy. With a cough.
I'm afraid I'll baptize the OB ...
Stay tuned.
Oh, and Imri is coughing. *sigh*. I'm just grateful this is happening now, not in 2 weeks time. Yes, September the 4th is two weeks today. Ack. Have I mentioned how much pink has invaded my home? I'm very blessed with generous friends and co-workers.
And, at least we've agreed on a name.
Fuck.
My visit to Dr High Risk started out with an absolutely lovely drive down I-270 in the rain, together with 100,000 of my other driving cohorts, none of whom seemed to grasp that a light drizzle really doesn't necessitate driving at 20 mph. Honest. Somewhere in the midst of which, my beloved husband who was driving our son to daycare, called me to tell me that Imri was puking in the car and John was turning around to bring him home. And could I please do the same?
My attempts to reassure said beloved husband that the puking was most likely due to the beginnings of a cold/mucus storm together with the consumption of milk seemed to fall on deaf ears and an increasingly upset husband. My attempts to explain the need for this appointment with Dr High Risk received the same response. Not that there was anywhere I could go ... I was stuck on the highway with no nearby exit.
After having a small snit, John realized that I truly was stuck and that because of the violence of the coughing fits, a check of my fluid level was very important. Better yet, once home Imri settled down with no further episodes of vomiting, a great appetite and good cheer. Which freed me to continue fighting my way through highway hell. I arrived at my appointment only 25 minutes late or so .... grrrr.
The sonographer wasn't my favourite but you can't ask for everything - what I did ask for and get was a decent fluid measurement - 10cm, down from 12 the week before but to be expected, all things considered. Cord pressure was great, heartbeat in the 160s. Baby girl scored 8 of 8. The sonographer encouraged me to continue drinking 2-3 liters a day to which I raised a brow ... hard to do when you pee out everything you drink upon coughing... but I digress. Dr Risky's office doesn't do cervix checks past 34 weeks but stressed the need to call my OB and let them know about the coughing fits, etc.
Which I did and my indifferent OB's office first asked me why I was bothering to tell them this ("but are you having contractions?") and then told me to keep my appointment for tomorrow, which I had planned to do anyway. I think they need to do the strep test anyway as I am nearly 36 weeks so they probably will check my cervix. Ack. That's always so much fun this late in pregnancy. With a cough.
I'm afraid I'll baptize the OB ...
Stay tuned.
Oh, and Imri is coughing. *sigh*. I'm just grateful this is happening now, not in 2 weeks time. Yes, September the 4th is two weeks today. Ack. Have I mentioned how much pink has invaded my home? I'm very blessed with generous friends and co-workers.
And, at least we've agreed on a name.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Weekly fluid update
Yeah, exciting. I know. That's about it these days.
My fluid has risen to 12cm! Dr High Risk was warmly delighted with me and shook my hand not once but twice and told me that I'm doing everything right. He looked at me as if I was a crazy woman when I asked if I could increase my work hours.
Well ... I had to ask. Not that I really want to increase my work hours but we could use the cash. Ah well.
In the "cool news" category, it looks like my soon-to-be-daughter has a head of hair! Or so the ultrasound shows. Pretty neat, considering I had a dream this week that she was born with a full head of black hair. I'm starting to get excited, seriously. That kind of thing just makes it more "real" ... not that the heartburn, hemorrhoids, enormous stomach, etc don't make it real, but still. Oh, and she weighs approximately 5 and a half lbs and definitely doing practice breathing in utero - all is well.
I see the OB today and hopefully can confirm the induction date - she forgot to give the worksheet to her scheduler. I've really had mixed care from my OB's office - on one hand they've been great, on the other hand, I've had to stay on top of them to get good follow-up, such as blood work, etc. Like my platelets. It's confusing.
John left for S. Carolina this morning to see Jr graduate from Marine Corp bootcamp. I'm nervous about being left on my own but I'm sure everything will be fine. I do have a number for one of Imri's favourite daycare people and she will be around if I suddenly need her ... she's also leaving at the end of this week and I am going to get her a gift card and some flowers from Imri. *sigh*. She was my favourite person at the daycare which is mostly staffed with well-meaning but not terribly well-educated people. Yeah, sounds snobby but I live in redneck country so it counts for something. Yes, I worry. A lot. I'd move Imri into a more scholastically- oriented/Montessori program if we could afford it. Hopefully this time next year we will be better off.
Speaking of which, we have indeed spoken with legal representation regarding our financial situation and will be taking action as soon as we can accumulate a retainer. It bothers me on so many different levels that we need to do this but there is no choice. I'm sort of stunned, to be truthful. I know John was trying to protect me in his own fashion but ... yikes.
So there you have it. I will try and keep updating with more exciting news ...
My fluid has risen to 12cm! Dr High Risk was warmly delighted with me and shook my hand not once but twice and told me that I'm doing everything right. He looked at me as if I was a crazy woman when I asked if I could increase my work hours.
Well ... I had to ask. Not that I really want to increase my work hours but we could use the cash. Ah well.
In the "cool news" category, it looks like my soon-to-be-daughter has a head of hair! Or so the ultrasound shows. Pretty neat, considering I had a dream this week that she was born with a full head of black hair. I'm starting to get excited, seriously. That kind of thing just makes it more "real" ... not that the heartburn, hemorrhoids, enormous stomach, etc don't make it real, but still. Oh, and she weighs approximately 5 and a half lbs and definitely doing practice breathing in utero - all is well.
I see the OB today and hopefully can confirm the induction date - she forgot to give the worksheet to her scheduler. I've really had mixed care from my OB's office - on one hand they've been great, on the other hand, I've had to stay on top of them to get good follow-up, such as blood work, etc. Like my platelets. It's confusing.
John left for S. Carolina this morning to see Jr graduate from Marine Corp bootcamp. I'm nervous about being left on my own but I'm sure everything will be fine. I do have a number for one of Imri's favourite daycare people and she will be around if I suddenly need her ... she's also leaving at the end of this week and I am going to get her a gift card and some flowers from Imri. *sigh*. She was my favourite person at the daycare which is mostly staffed with well-meaning but not terribly well-educated people. Yeah, sounds snobby but I live in redneck country so it counts for something. Yes, I worry. A lot. I'd move Imri into a more scholastically- oriented/Montessori program if we could afford it. Hopefully this time next year we will be better off.
Speaking of which, we have indeed spoken with legal representation regarding our financial situation and will be taking action as soon as we can accumulate a retainer. It bothers me on so many different levels that we need to do this but there is no choice. I'm sort of stunned, to be truthful. I know John was trying to protect me in his own fashion but ... yikes.
So there you have it. I will try and keep updating with more exciting news ...
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
*tap tap* is this thing on?
Just wondering if anyone is out there ... no one comments and I know my life isn't that exciting, nor is my writing, for that matter but ... thought I'd check to see if anyone was still following the ongoing saga.
So here it is ...saw Dr High Risk yesterday and my fluid is up to 10cm! Staying off my feet (for the most part) and drinking what seems to be my body's weight in water appears to be working. Not only is my girl's head down, but her head is right on my cervix which explains the pressure I've been feeling. My cervix, however, is not budging. It is long and closed, which is how we like it. Dr High Risk looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said "keep doing what you're doing". I love that man.
Upon seeing my OB today, I mentioned that I'm a tad stressed about not knowing an induction date and if it's possible to schedule it at all, so I at least know which way is up and can plan accordingly. The OB clucked understandingly and mentioned August 31st. I like August ... but not at the beginning of a long weekend. Hospital staffing being what it is on weekends and holidays... nah. I agreed to September 4th. Now that's still tentative but there you have it.
It's just plain weird, knowing the day your child is going to enter the world.
Now the date is only if something doesn't happen previously to that - so I'm hoping - because I'll be 37-38 weeks by then which would be excellent for the baby's growth and development. And the OB says she sees no reason for me to be in the hospital for 24 hours prior as per the other OB - I'll just go off the blood thinners 48 hours previous to and show up on the induction date. It's all good.
Here's hoping we get there.
So here it is ...saw Dr High Risk yesterday and my fluid is up to 10cm! Staying off my feet (for the most part) and drinking what seems to be my body's weight in water appears to be working. Not only is my girl's head down, but her head is right on my cervix which explains the pressure I've been feeling. My cervix, however, is not budging. It is long and closed, which is how we like it. Dr High Risk looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said "keep doing what you're doing". I love that man.
Upon seeing my OB today, I mentioned that I'm a tad stressed about not knowing an induction date and if it's possible to schedule it at all, so I at least know which way is up and can plan accordingly. The OB clucked understandingly and mentioned August 31st. I like August ... but not at the beginning of a long weekend. Hospital staffing being what it is on weekends and holidays... nah. I agreed to September 4th. Now that's still tentative but there you have it.
It's just plain weird, knowing the day your child is going to enter the world.
Now the date is only if something doesn't happen previously to that - so I'm hoping - because I'll be 37-38 weeks by then which would be excellent for the baby's growth and development. And the OB says she sees no reason for me to be in the hospital for 24 hours prior as per the other OB - I'll just go off the blood thinners 48 hours previous to and show up on the induction date. It's all good.
Here's hoping we get there.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Sleep would be lovely ...
It's 2:24 am and here I am. Yep, insomnia strikes. Actually, it might not be insomnia so much as an inability to deal with warmth and while many might find my house to be at the subzero level, I am warm, damnit. So I moved myself, my pillow and body pillow to the couch.
It ain't working.
My palms are warm. I hate that. Thank goodness my thighs aren't. Fat will do that.
The parental units are driving John and I a bit batty. They are understandably worried about the baby and I, and are concerned about John's plans to go to Jr's Marine Corp graduation ceremony in mid-August.
It's very important that he go. My mom doesn't get it (and that's fine) but I do. And as I've told John, we are the adults in this relationship and while the 'rents can give input, the decision is ultimately ours. I don't have a problem with John going as I know how important and life-changing this is for Jr - his dad should be there.
That being said, if we find out that week that the baby is a-coming, then ... he won't be able to go. And that will suck but that's life, unfortunately.
The bigger problem to me is how I'm going to cope with a heavy and mischevious toddler for the couple days that John is gone. John's idea is to have Imri go with him and I have nixed that - it's an 8-9 hour drive. Not to mention, John will have his mother, a bilateral amputee with him. Not to mention that he may get the phone call saying "getcher ass back here now" at any point. So no. Sure, the thought of being all by myself with no one to look after for 48+ hours is tempting but ... no.
Not to mention that I hyperventilate at the thought of my son being in a car, far far away from me. Call me ridiculous but all the bad "what-ifs" go through my brain.
So what to do? We need someone to stay with me. My best friend's (yeah, that's you Gramma Stacy)daughter is due any day now, so she's out. I've asked a friend from work if she'd mind spending a couple of nights here but she didn't seem keen and that's totally fine. There is a nurse's aide at work who might be able to do it, but I'd obviously have to pay her and money is an issue, of course.
Our neighbour might be able to help out but I don't like asking although I may have to. I'm sure John's crazy sister in law would do it but ... she's crazy. So no. It sucks not having my family close by. Truly.
I don't make friends easily so ... I don't have a lot of friend options. Which also sucks. Sometimes I wish I were more of a friend-gatherer ...but it's just not who I am. I don't know how to teach that to my kids, either ... which saddens me. It's my hope that they are born naturally a lot less socially awkward than I am.
It's just John and I, for the most part. And most of the time, that's just fine with me. But the bigger part of having a large circle of friends, family and whatever social/religious outlet you belong to, is coming home to roost right now.
Not sure what we're going to do, especially if I get put on complete bed rest.
It ain't working.
My palms are warm. I hate that. Thank goodness my thighs aren't. Fat will do that.
The parental units are driving John and I a bit batty. They are understandably worried about the baby and I, and are concerned about John's plans to go to Jr's Marine Corp graduation ceremony in mid-August.
It's very important that he go. My mom doesn't get it (and that's fine) but I do. And as I've told John, we are the adults in this relationship and while the 'rents can give input, the decision is ultimately ours. I don't have a problem with John going as I know how important and life-changing this is for Jr - his dad should be there.
That being said, if we find out that week that the baby is a-coming, then ... he won't be able to go. And that will suck but that's life, unfortunately.
The bigger problem to me is how I'm going to cope with a heavy and mischevious toddler for the couple days that John is gone. John's idea is to have Imri go with him and I have nixed that - it's an 8-9 hour drive. Not to mention, John will have his mother, a bilateral amputee with him. Not to mention that he may get the phone call saying "getcher ass back here now" at any point. So no. Sure, the thought of being all by myself with no one to look after for 48+ hours is tempting but ... no.
Not to mention that I hyperventilate at the thought of my son being in a car, far far away from me. Call me ridiculous but all the bad "what-ifs" go through my brain.
So what to do? We need someone to stay with me. My best friend's (yeah, that's you Gramma Stacy)daughter is due any day now, so she's out. I've asked a friend from work if she'd mind spending a couple of nights here but she didn't seem keen and that's totally fine. There is a nurse's aide at work who might be able to do it, but I'd obviously have to pay her and money is an issue, of course.
Our neighbour might be able to help out but I don't like asking although I may have to. I'm sure John's crazy sister in law would do it but ... she's crazy. So no. It sucks not having my family close by. Truly.
I don't make friends easily so ... I don't have a lot of friend options. Which also sucks. Sometimes I wish I were more of a friend-gatherer ...but it's just not who I am. I don't know how to teach that to my kids, either ... which saddens me. It's my hope that they are born naturally a lot less socially awkward than I am.
It's just John and I, for the most part. And most of the time, that's just fine with me. But the bigger part of having a large circle of friends, family and whatever social/religious outlet you belong to, is coming home to roost right now.
Not sure what we're going to do, especially if I get put on complete bed rest.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
And counting some more ...
Yesterday was the first biophysical profile for our baby girl. I arrived at Dr High Risk's office raring to go and anxious to see her - it's been a month, after all. Yes, I am terribly spoiled.
More than anything, I was hoping against hope that she had turned from her breech position. I called the OB's office yesterday because of the constant hard stomach/BH contractions and extreme pressure that I was feeling and they basically told me that it was nothing and to call them if it got worse. But ... I had a feeling that something wasn't quite right. Or perhaps that the baby had turned. But something was different. Sure, you can call me an alarmist but I don't really call the OB's office unless I feel that something is truly off.
The very pleasant sonographer and I are chit-chatting away - funny how infertility and treatment just seems to pop up during conversations at a perinatologist's office - sharing stories and just chatting ... and there she was! Vertex! (head down, for those not in the know). I was delighted and got all misty-eyed, of course. But the sonographer's face told me something wasn't quite right.
For those who don't remember (and why should you?), my son was born after induction because of oligohydramnios, or low amniotic fluid. My fluid level was measured at 6cm and it's my understanding that the low range is 5-8. Imri was 37 weeks gestation, so considered term and doing practice breathing in utero and the boy, whom my OB had warned me was "chubby" the previous week, turned out to weigh 7lbs, 1oz. He did absolutely fine, and while we came very close to a c-section, we managed to avoid it.
Well, it turns out that my fluid is currently at 8cm. A month ago it was 13.9cm. Not wonderful at all. And because of that, we're delighted that the baby girl has turned because it's getting to be close quarters in there. And that, my friends, is the reason for all the contractions. Low fluid. So I wasn't out to lunch in calling my OB's office ...
To add to it, we're not really close to term yet. I'll be 33 weeks this Thursday and while my daughter is weighing in at roughly 4lbs, which is great (if inaccurate, most likely) for a very short NICU stay, I am not ready for her to join us yet. She needs more womb time. Yes, she's a decent size and she was doing some practice breathing in utero but ... she's still preemie and I don't want her to be born prematurely.
And, I'm just not ready.
Dr High Risk sort of read me the riot act. He wants me off my feet - ideally, he wants me out of work completely. We can't do that, financially. Things are very touch and go that way. I'd already cut back to 32 hours a week, so now it looks like 20 to 26 hours if I can get work to cooperate. And what that means is basically not doing nursing care. Dr HR has said no up and down stuff, he wants me as horizontal as possible. And drinking at least 3L a day. Ick. At least my cervix is long and closed.
So, they have agreed to let me do paperwork but it's for the time being, really. Everyone is being very kind but ... we are owned by a corporation now, so I never know what will come down from on high. And I will have to change my hours which will be awful for morning rush hour. *sigh*.
So today, my day off - Imri is at daycare. I'm going to miss my Wednesdays with him - I do already. I waved at him as he rode off with his Daddy and my heart was in my throat.
And it bothers me on a profound level that the last nearly 2 years that have been so very life-changing for me, the 2 years in which we've spent so much time together just Imri and I ... well, he won't even remember them. Sure, they're formative, etc etc and they have imprinted ... but he won't remember all our special times together that are so very precious and in my heart. Our first "lunch" together. Etc etc. Soon, once the baby comes ... he won't remember it being any other way.
Why does that upset me so? But it does.
So there you have it. Low fluid. No money. Have to cut back on work. No money. Have to take the best care of the baby girl as possible. Deal with hormones. No money. Have to rest rest rest. So much on John's shoulders. Yes, I worry. A lot.
Now to go buy that winning lottery ticket ...
More than anything, I was hoping against hope that she had turned from her breech position. I called the OB's office yesterday because of the constant hard stomach/BH contractions and extreme pressure that I was feeling and they basically told me that it was nothing and to call them if it got worse. But ... I had a feeling that something wasn't quite right. Or perhaps that the baby had turned. But something was different. Sure, you can call me an alarmist but I don't really call the OB's office unless I feel that something is truly off.
The very pleasant sonographer and I are chit-chatting away - funny how infertility and treatment just seems to pop up during conversations at a perinatologist's office - sharing stories and just chatting ... and there she was! Vertex! (head down, for those not in the know). I was delighted and got all misty-eyed, of course. But the sonographer's face told me something wasn't quite right.
For those who don't remember (and why should you?), my son was born after induction because of oligohydramnios, or low amniotic fluid. My fluid level was measured at 6cm and it's my understanding that the low range is 5-8. Imri was 37 weeks gestation, so considered term and doing practice breathing in utero and the boy, whom my OB had warned me was "chubby" the previous week, turned out to weigh 7lbs, 1oz. He did absolutely fine, and while we came very close to a c-section, we managed to avoid it.
Well, it turns out that my fluid is currently at 8cm. A month ago it was 13.9cm. Not wonderful at all. And because of that, we're delighted that the baby girl has turned because it's getting to be close quarters in there. And that, my friends, is the reason for all the contractions. Low fluid. So I wasn't out to lunch in calling my OB's office ...
To add to it, we're not really close to term yet. I'll be 33 weeks this Thursday and while my daughter is weighing in at roughly 4lbs, which is great (if inaccurate, most likely) for a very short NICU stay, I am not ready for her to join us yet. She needs more womb time. Yes, she's a decent size and she was doing some practice breathing in utero but ... she's still preemie and I don't want her to be born prematurely.
And, I'm just not ready.
Dr High Risk sort of read me the riot act. He wants me off my feet - ideally, he wants me out of work completely. We can't do that, financially. Things are very touch and go that way. I'd already cut back to 32 hours a week, so now it looks like 20 to 26 hours if I can get work to cooperate. And what that means is basically not doing nursing care. Dr HR has said no up and down stuff, he wants me as horizontal as possible. And drinking at least 3L a day. Ick. At least my cervix is long and closed.
So, they have agreed to let me do paperwork but it's for the time being, really. Everyone is being very kind but ... we are owned by a corporation now, so I never know what will come down from on high. And I will have to change my hours which will be awful for morning rush hour. *sigh*.
So today, my day off - Imri is at daycare. I'm going to miss my Wednesdays with him - I do already. I waved at him as he rode off with his Daddy and my heart was in my throat.
And it bothers me on a profound level that the last nearly 2 years that have been so very life-changing for me, the 2 years in which we've spent so much time together just Imri and I ... well, he won't even remember them. Sure, they're formative, etc etc and they have imprinted ... but he won't remember all our special times together that are so very precious and in my heart. Our first "lunch" together. Etc etc. Soon, once the baby comes ... he won't remember it being any other way.
Why does that upset me so? But it does.
So there you have it. Low fluid. No money. Have to cut back on work. No money. Have to take the best care of the baby girl as possible. Deal with hormones. No money. Have to rest rest rest. So much on John's shoulders. Yes, I worry. A lot.
Now to go buy that winning lottery ticket ...
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