I am SO hopeful for Thalia, Bugsy,Frances,Bugs and Olivia ! A virtual possible babyboom in our virtual midst ... if I calculate right ...
Silly me. I was going to say "we should all be due around the same time!".
Don't worry. I knocked wood. As if it would be that simple ...
It reminds me of a posting on our infertile bulletin board "my coworker isn't pregnant ... she's 'having a baby!!'. " And it's sadly true - the fertile world doesn't understand (lucky them) that "pregnant" doesn't equal "baby" for all of us. Which explains my erstwhile ambivalence to this alleged pregnancy, I suppose.
When pregnant with Imri, by this stage the morning sickness was full blast. Ick. Not to mention the sore boobs, cramping, etc. This pregnancy? No sickness, really. No sore boobs - yeah, a tad veiny but not sore unless Imri is sucking on em. I seem to still be lactating a little, which I thought would stop during pregnancy. The cramping and pangs I get tend to worry more than reassure me.
And the fact of the matter is - we are seriously screwed financially with this pregnancy - no maternity leave and boatloads of debt - we are not sure how we are going to make it through. People who say "you'll find a way" are kind and offering comfort, but unless they have a couple of spare mortgage payments to throw our way, I don't think they grasp the enormity of it all. It's pretty serious.
And termination? That's not really an option now, is it? I am fiercely pro-choice but how in the world would I ever live with myself? How could I do that and wonder if it was another child as amazing and wondrous as Imri?
J and I make decent livings - it's just old debt that has us in the hole - we *should* be able to provide easily and we can't and it's killing me.
I need to start playing the lottery. Oh yes I do. Right now it's the only way out that I see. But helpful suggestions are always welcome.
I just wish I could be more ... joyous.
