Notes from Hypochondria

I find that yet again I must thank my readers for their support and kindness. This is a good thing - not only does it show that my readers are wonderful (and you are, each one of you), it shows that my mother raised me properly and with good manners. So much so that I called her the other day and apologized profusely for everything I ever did to her when I was a teen.
Yes, the situation with the teenager hasn't improved. Ah well. I will mercifully spare you the latest. Suffice it to say he lost his mp3 player for a couple of days despite his cries of "you can't take that, my MOTHER gave it to me". Watch me, you little shit. Sorry. There goes my BP again.

I've heard nothing about my 24 hour urine yet and I'm taking the "no news is good news" as gospel, ignoring the fact that I didn't bring it in until Thursday morning and meaning that results most likely won't be ready till Monday. But I am being positive about this and I feel that it will be ok. I've also tried to convince myself that I don't see bright lights in front of my eyes, that I'm merely a hypochondriac, but since it happened yesterday again, I'm having difficulty with that whole river in Egypt thing.

I do see wispy things and dots in front of my eyes and figure those may be "floaters" but seeing bright flashes and lines of light ... well, it wasn't my imagination. I took my pressure at the time at it was 114/70. Not bad. On the same machine I usually read 105/60, so nothing too worrisome. Hence my belief that all will be well with the urine.

My glucose has been pretty stable and I will once again say how glad I am for the care and follow-up I am getting from the nursing hotline. Also, a sincere thanks to Beaver Girl for her support on this - it's rare when someone understands "exactly" what you mean. Thanks, babe. It means mucho.

I have alternated between feeling pretty good and feeling damned awful, awful to the point where I've thought "ok, let's look up the symptoms of HELLP in my old maternal/neonatal nursing textbook (which is now a bazillion years old). I have some of the symptoms, but not all ... nausea - sometimes check, malaise - check, gestational hypertension - kind of check, edema - check, proteinuria - check.
I do know that when they did bloodwork for me on 24 hour urine day, they did not do a coagulation study. I'm guessing they think I'm in Hypochondria too.

Probably the thing that has spun me into Hypochondria the fastest is my growing lack of confidence in the care I've been getting at my OB's. Between the loss of my chart ("oh look, I've lost 4 lbs!" "Really? I wouldn't know, we can't find your chart" ) and their seeming lack of knowing what I'm scheduled for and my diagnoses, in addition to chart omissions (see previous posts)...well, I feel like I'm the only person who really gives a damn/knows squat about what is going on with me. That's not a good place for a worry-wort.
And it's too late to find a new OB, really. I'm not ready to do that.

I have made one executive decision though - if these tests come back poorly, my next phone call Monday morning will be to the perinatologist. Because if I come back pre-eclamptic or anything along those lines, I'm not trusting my OB's office to do it right.

Looking at the bright side ... tomorrow I will be 33 weeks. It's almost safe to go back in the water ... or in this case, surfactant, which is my main concern. It would be nice to avoid a NICU stay and I'm very close to that cutoff line. That fills me with hope.

I really didn't mean this to be doom and gloom - it's not. I'm feeling good this morning and am looking forward to our Labour and Delivery tour today - it's exciting and nerve-wracking in a sweet way. My baby boy is an active lil guy and I enjoy feeling him move - to me it is truly one of the sweetest feelings in this known universe. Watching my belly undulate - well, I could do it for hours. He can kick me as much as he likes - nothing better, from my perspective.

I am definitely slowing down these days - I see it in my walking, at work, and in general. I honestly never thought I'd get slower as this pregnancy progressed - I'm not sure why I thought that. And a couple of women have said "have you dropped a little?" - hard for me to say, I don't really feel it but the doc did say that I'm carrying low per ultrasound.

And next weekend is my work baby shower. It's very exciting for me ... a woman who had come to accept that she would probably never have a baby - and here I am having two showers for this very very loved child. I am so very lucky.

I'll probably end up fooling everyone, myself included, and go to 41 weeks.
Any takers on that bet?