All in the family

My sister T and her husband adopted two beautiful children from the former Soviet Union. Their first, a girl, is turning 7 this month. Their second, a boy, is nearly 3. They are wonderful, bright and precocious children who light up any room they are in and my sister and her husband are wonderful parents.

They adopted after trying to conceive for several years. T met her future husband while in her late thirties - they started trying to get pregnant before the wedding (she was nearly 37 at the time). After not much luck, they went to an RE and started with IUI, then IVF. She had one miscarriage at 8 weeks and then not long after that, a molar pregnancy. Her HCG levels remained elevated for over a year, so no treatment ... they decided to adopt and got their daughter. They tried IVF one more time - with her at 40 years old - with no luck. At that point they gave up and adopted their second child. Those children are their delight and joy - and worth every moment of previous heartache, per my sister.

Last year when I was pregnant with the enlarged yolk sac, we went up to Canada for a family do. I broke the news of my pregnancy very gently to my sister T, who was delighted for us but who burst into tears. She told me that no matter what, she would never want to change the path her life has taken - her children are the light of her life and everything she always wanted. Infertility had led those children to her and she would never let go. But it was hard for her, despite everything. She was wonderful to me when I miscarried - compassionate and very there - she completely understood. She let me grieve and held me, even if it was over the phone.

This time ... I think it's harder for her still. We told the family at Passover and T came over and held me tight, with tears of joy streaming down her face. As she cried and held me close, I could feel the pain emanating from her, the dark tears that mixed in with the others.

The other day she called me to tell me how overjoyed she is for us - how hard she knows our road has been. She doesn't want me to protect her from my pregnancy, which I've definitely been doing. She wants to see pics of my belly "maybe not every week" she said to me but since my family is far away in Toronto ... it's the only chance they get to really share in this. It's difficult to explain how the conversation with her went, exactly ... and hard for me to know where her line in the sand is. For example, when I mentioned feeling the baby, she told me that was really hard for her to hear that - because it's something she'll always miss out on, she'll never experience. Completely understandable, you know? But it makes it hard to know what to tell her and what not ...

I still haven't sent her a "belly pic" although I have sent one to my other sister D (with whom I'm closer) and to my mom. Something in me is holding back - she doesn't want me to protect her but ... I can't help it. I know that she spoke to D and they are both planning on coming for the bris. She wants to send me a book on Hebrew baby names and baby stuff from her son, we spoke about that but nothing has arrived. It's like walking on eggshells. I just don't know how much to say.