Inviting in the hurt

I had mentioned a number of times to my mother how much it would mean to me that my parents come for Imri's first birthday. And it does - after so long, after so much heartache ... I want to be surrounded by friends and family. Nothing big, nothing outrageous. I'm not renting ponies, or hiring clowns. I figured on cake, ice cream and maybe some chips and dip. Soda, wine, you know. The basics. I figured on a few close friends, John's mother (and siblings, if they want to come which likely they won't), us and my parents.

I mentioned it a few weeks ago and then again a couple of times. I heard about the length of the drive and suggested that modern contraption, an airplane. After all, they were going to fly me (with Imri) to Toronto for Rosh Hashana, so they money is there. I mentioned flying S0uthwest out of Buffalo and heard "the border is awful and we need a car". I offered one of our cars and got hemmed and hawed at. I heard about a trip to Montreal for a barmitzvah, theatre tickets for Stratford and mostly "maybe" so I figured on "no".
I spoke to my husband today about it and suggested that maybe we go to Canada instead, so that I could be amongst family for what I perceive as a relatively big event and not put out my parents who are, after all, in their seventies. Relative being the term - again, I'm not going bananas here, just wanted a feeling of family around me.

So I broached the topic with my mother when they called this evening to wish us a Shana Tova. And I was shot down flat. That I shouldn't bother over something that small - that I should do as they did once and just keep it family only. I said that I was thinking of coming on the weekend of my birthday and we could celebrate the birthdays together and was told to "save it for something special" and how they just found out there was a batmitzvah in the family in early November and to think about that.

Yeah. So call me selfish if you wish, call me ridiculously self-serving to want my son's grandparents at his side for his first birthday. Call me stupid for opening myself up to my mother's rejection again. Call me stupid for wanting to pretend that our family is closer than we actually are. Call me stupid for noticing how my mom and dad seem to visit my brother's son fairly often but how they haven't mentioned anything about not seeing any pictures of Imri lately. Lately as in 3-4 weeks when I would send them regularly. Yeah, I'm so damned selfish, it hurts.

I will make a nice birthday for Imri. A small one. I will invite a couple of people and George's family. Maybe I'll send my parents an invitation. Maybe I won't. It doesn't seem to matter to them at all anyway. I won't make that mistake again.