On a schedule - for what it's worth
Life continues merrily on its path. Jr graduated from high school to our joy and relief. He then proceeded while at work, to sell cigarettes to an underage kid who also happened to be an undercover cop. We await his punishment - he is suspended from work until they say otherwise. Yeah. Well, at least he graduated. Nuff said.
Imri is flourishing and growing bigger before my eyes. To the extent that we find ourselves driving to the nearest baby store today, to purchase a convertible car seat as his infant seat no longer fits him ... *sob*!
He is babbling away and his word recognition is growing in leaps and bounds. He gets very excited at the word "book". Imri is exploring the world around him and trying mightily to crawl. He has the up on all fours down pat, it's the forward motion that eludes him. He rocks and rocks and ends up moving backwards - which is still movement, you know.
He delights in standing up - assisted, of course - he is very sturdy on his feet and will take steps as well. He gets very excited by this. His latest thing is not the beloved jumperoo, but a basket filled with small toys which he delights in emptying over and over again - with much gnawing and chewing involved. He does, however, absolutely love jumping on beds, couches or anything bouncy upon which his doting mother will help him bounce. I'd do anything to hear that amazing laugh. Absolutely anything.
He is pouring drool these days but still no tooth to be seen. His behaviour is definitely teething behaviour though - he is chewing on everything and anything.
To top it all off, it's as if a lightbulb went off and he has gone nuts over solids! Hurray! From the boy that would spit everything out and cry when you fed him, he has turned into an eating machine; three solids meals a day, including meats, veggies, fruit and oatmeal. Pretty much anything and everything we put in his mouth, much to our joy.
To our chagrin however, was the discovery that a full belly doesn't necessarily mean better sleep. We were hopeful, I tell you. He even slept a full three hours a couple of nights. Last night disabused us of the notion that things were improving, unfortunately. Imri woke after 30 minutes, then after 15 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 45 minutes. We got up to an hour interval when I pulled him into our bed. Enough. I need SOME sleep.
I'm hoping this is a mere bump on the sleep highway. We have instituted a schedule for my beloved boy, despite my declaration to John some months ago "our boy does fine without a schedule!" -which was true at the time but seems to be that way no longer. John had difficulty accepting the whole concept of change but he is getting over it. Slowly.
Anyway, this is our schedule right now, with some minor alteration on the weekends when Imri seems to know he can sleep in. That's my boy ...
Wake: Usually around 5-6 am, depending on whether he has daycare or not.
Leave for work/daycare around 6:15. Sometimes he nurses, sometimes not. Usually he has been sucking on boob part of the night so he's not terribly hungry.
Arrive at daycare around 6:45 - nurse.
Or if home, nurse around 7:30 ish.
First nap around 8 - 8:30. The last couple of weekend days he has woken closer to 7 am so the early nap has gone down the toilet. I am not sure that will be the case on early morning days.
Breakfast when he awakes, 9ish. 4 Tbl oatmeal and fruit and veg.
Playtime.
He usually nurses or gets a bottle some time between 10 and 12.
Nap - now this seems to vary. Sometimes he naps early (usually for me) and sometimes he naps later (usually for daycare). So it remains fluid. So it could be at 11 (yes!)and it could be at 1.(boo)
12-1 Lunch - 4tbl oatmeal, fruit and veg.
Playtime.
Nap - usually around 3-4. Sometimes later, such as when John picks him up from daycare and he falls asleep in the car. Usually around a 30 minute nap.
Bottle or nurse
Playtime.
6ish - dinner. Meat and veg. No fruit or juice or anything sugary. We try and stay low-key from here on in, including low key playtime.
7ish bathtime. We do it every night now.
7:30 we read books
7:45 bottle/nurse
8-8:15 bedtime. (Some on my bulletin board say 8 is too late for bed but I don't often get home from work until 6:30, so it has to fit into our home life and that seems to work well.)
Then wake wake wake wake and want to nurse nurse nurse nurse. *sigh*. He does fall asleep with relative ease to music - both his lullaby mobile and his Aquarium one get called into service at different times. Last night as I was about to pull my hair out, I decided to use the aquarium ... halleluyah. He finally slept for about 1-2 hours. Imri usually ends up in our bed around 3-4 am out of my desperation for some form of sleep. Where he nurses a lot but not as much as he used to. (I wonder if that has anything to do with his ear surgery - I also wonder if that is the reason he wants to eat too - or if that was just plain ol' perseverance.)
We did try a teeny-weeny-mini-attempt at CIO last night at one point, to see if he would lull himself back to sleep, but he just kept escalating and escalating, to the point that when we did go in, it took a lot longer to bring him down than if we had gone in earlier. And perhaps that is what caused the many reawakenings of that night. Who knows? Not I.
Anyway, it's a big Nope. Not doing it. I don't care how many people email me or comment and say "hey, cio is the only thing that worked, it was awful but it worked ..." "awful" is a word I don't want to associate with my son. Not now, not ever. If it is that miserable an experience, it's not the right way to go for us. Both John and I feel strongly about this. And both of us (more me, of course) aren't getting much sleep.
At least we agree on that. Pretty much all other bets seem to be off.
Comments? Ideas? Suggestions(that don't involve CIO)?
My husband also seems to want to do something called "sex". I vaguely remember this - it felt good, if I remember correctly. However, right now when given the choice between sleep and this "sex" thing ... I pick sleep. Call me silly. And call him frustrated. Oy.
PS - my mother still hasn't called.
Imri is flourishing and growing bigger before my eyes. To the extent that we find ourselves driving to the nearest baby store today, to purchase a convertible car seat as his infant seat no longer fits him ... *sob*!
He is babbling away and his word recognition is growing in leaps and bounds. He gets very excited at the word "book". Imri is exploring the world around him and trying mightily to crawl. He has the up on all fours down pat, it's the forward motion that eludes him. He rocks and rocks and ends up moving backwards - which is still movement, you know.
He delights in standing up - assisted, of course - he is very sturdy on his feet and will take steps as well. He gets very excited by this. His latest thing is not the beloved jumperoo, but a basket filled with small toys which he delights in emptying over and over again - with much gnawing and chewing involved. He does, however, absolutely love jumping on beds, couches or anything bouncy upon which his doting mother will help him bounce. I'd do anything to hear that amazing laugh. Absolutely anything.
He is pouring drool these days but still no tooth to be seen. His behaviour is definitely teething behaviour though - he is chewing on everything and anything.
To top it all off, it's as if a lightbulb went off and he has gone nuts over solids! Hurray! From the boy that would spit everything out and cry when you fed him, he has turned into an eating machine; three solids meals a day, including meats, veggies, fruit and oatmeal. Pretty much anything and everything we put in his mouth, much to our joy.
To our chagrin however, was the discovery that a full belly doesn't necessarily mean better sleep. We were hopeful, I tell you. He even slept a full three hours a couple of nights. Last night disabused us of the notion that things were improving, unfortunately. Imri woke after 30 minutes, then after 15 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 45 minutes. We got up to an hour interval when I pulled him into our bed. Enough. I need SOME sleep.
I'm hoping this is a mere bump on the sleep highway. We have instituted a schedule for my beloved boy, despite my declaration to John some months ago "our boy does fine without a schedule!" -which was true at the time but seems to be that way no longer. John had difficulty accepting the whole concept of change but he is getting over it. Slowly.
Anyway, this is our schedule right now, with some minor alteration on the weekends when Imri seems to know he can sleep in. That's my boy ...
Wake: Usually around 5-6 am, depending on whether he has daycare or not.
Leave for work/daycare around 6:15. Sometimes he nurses, sometimes not. Usually he has been sucking on boob part of the night so he's not terribly hungry.
Arrive at daycare around 6:45 - nurse.
Or if home, nurse around 7:30 ish.
First nap around 8 - 8:30. The last couple of weekend days he has woken closer to 7 am so the early nap has gone down the toilet. I am not sure that will be the case on early morning days.
Breakfast when he awakes, 9ish. 4 Tbl oatmeal and fruit and veg.
Playtime.
He usually nurses or gets a bottle some time between 10 and 12.
Nap - now this seems to vary. Sometimes he naps early (usually for me) and sometimes he naps later (usually for daycare). So it remains fluid. So it could be at 11 (yes!)and it could be at 1.(boo)
12-1 Lunch - 4tbl oatmeal, fruit and veg.
Playtime.
Nap - usually around 3-4. Sometimes later, such as when John picks him up from daycare and he falls asleep in the car. Usually around a 30 minute nap.
Bottle or nurse
Playtime.
6ish - dinner. Meat and veg. No fruit or juice or anything sugary. We try and stay low-key from here on in, including low key playtime.
7ish bathtime. We do it every night now.
7:30 we read books
7:45 bottle/nurse
8-8:15 bedtime. (Some on my bulletin board say 8 is too late for bed but I don't often get home from work until 6:30, so it has to fit into our home life and that seems to work well.)
Then wake wake wake wake and want to nurse nurse nurse nurse. *sigh*. He does fall asleep with relative ease to music - both his lullaby mobile and his Aquarium one get called into service at different times. Last night as I was about to pull my hair out, I decided to use the aquarium ... halleluyah. He finally slept for about 1-2 hours. Imri usually ends up in our bed around 3-4 am out of my desperation for some form of sleep. Where he nurses a lot but not as much as he used to. (I wonder if that has anything to do with his ear surgery - I also wonder if that is the reason he wants to eat too - or if that was just plain ol' perseverance.)
We did try a teeny-weeny-mini-attempt at CIO last night at one point, to see if he would lull himself back to sleep, but he just kept escalating and escalating, to the point that when we did go in, it took a lot longer to bring him down than if we had gone in earlier. And perhaps that is what caused the many reawakenings of that night. Who knows? Not I.
Anyway, it's a big Nope. Not doing it. I don't care how many people email me or comment and say "hey, cio is the only thing that worked, it was awful but it worked ..." "awful" is a word I don't want to associate with my son. Not now, not ever. If it is that miserable an experience, it's not the right way to go for us. Both John and I feel strongly about this. And both of us (more me, of course) aren't getting much sleep.
At least we agree on that. Pretty much all other bets seem to be off.
Comments? Ideas? Suggestions(that don't involve CIO)?
My husband also seems to want to do something called "sex". I vaguely remember this - it felt good, if I remember correctly. However, right now when given the choice between sleep and this "sex" thing ... I pick sleep. Call me silly. And call him frustrated. Oy.
PS - my mother still hasn't called.
posted by K|nneret at 8:19 AM
8 Comments:
CIO isn't awful for the kids, it's awful for us. Sorry... My life was hell until I read and applied what I learned from Weissbluth. Emily learned in ONE DAY that she was supposed to sleep. In her crib. Unassisted. And that if she awakens, she can put herself back to sleep. We don't give their little brains enough credit for learning with lightning speed how to do this.
My life was a living hell until we put Emily to sleep in her own room (at age 5 months) and stopped going in to soothe her. She immediately began sleeping through the night that very day, and napping with perfection. I also agree that Imri's bedtime is much too late, but I know you've not a lot of choice there.
Have you read Weissbluth? It's not about one method, it's about learning everything you can about infant sleep and adapting it to your situation. Lots of luck and love
Lisa
PS schedule is a great idea at this point.
That Lisa is one smart cookie. I have to agree with everything she says. Imri CAN sleep at night. He can do it. I have every confidence in him. AND IN YOU! (It's only painful for a day or two. You'd be amazed at how quickly they GET it. And really - what are you doing to hurt him? He's learning to go to sleep, on his OWN. It's only going to get harder the longer you wait. Have you seen those Nanny 911's with 3, 4, 5 year old kids tearing around the house that insist on their parents going to SLEEP with them?!)
Your mom will come around. Let it go ... make your plans ... be happy in THIS day. Of course, you'll be a lot happier once you get some sleep. And, I know your boobs will feel better, too!
Man, I remember when Elizabeth was in her kick of nursing at night and I'd feel almost raw after having her latched on for 30+ minutes. I don't know how you go longer than that... egads.
I'm pulling for ya ... :)
That was really nice of Jen to say (thanks Jen). I just want to emphasize again that it's US that it hurts, not him. It just seems like it hurts them, because that's what we perceive to be going on when there is crying. I like the analogy of crossing the street. You're teaching him a critical skill for his health (good sleep is very important for his health, right?). If you were crossing the street and he didn't want to hold your hand and started screaming and crying, you'd let him cry for the critical lesson, for his own good. I promise he will learn in a few days. It works like magic.
Now that Emily will be two in a few weeks, I have to say teaching her how to sleep was the best thing I ever did.
lots of love
Lisa
Hey Lisa and Jen,
I think the biggest obstacle right now to any CIO is my husband. He absolutely refuses. His perspective is that if Imri is crying to the extent that he does cry (0-60 in .3 seconds), gagging, coughing and choking - it is wrong and we will find another way.
I can't say I completely disagree with him but at this stage of sleep deprivation and resultant depression, I just don't know anymore.
No, I haven't read Weissbluth, btw.
We have been sticking to the schedule as much as possible - IOW, some variants. And he goes back to the doctor (I swear I should have stock) because of this non-ending cough which wakes him up/keeps him up at night.
I wish you gals could talk to my husband.
Anyway, thank you so much.
Kin, in Weissbluth's books there are all of these little paragraphs in italics that are stories from his real clients' lives, detailing how everything turned around so quickly--thanking the doc etc. Maybe you should get the book and have John read some of these blurbs. I swear those little paragraphs gave me so much hope. Most of these kids had way worse probs w/sleep than Emily and Imri. I think it could help John, esp. if he's a reader. Another great thing about Weissbluth is that he has a "fast forward" feature to his book for the sleep-deprived, so one can go right to the action parts.
I'd give it a shot, I really would. I think John might like him. This guy has made infant sleep his life's work, kwim?
Let us know how it goes.
Hugs
Lisa
Schedule sounds good! I couldn't do CIO with any of my kids so don't worry. Usually I end up holding our guy till he falls asleep and then lay him in bed. I'd rather do that then have him so upset that he can't breathe between his screams and that the other 2 can't sleep. Sometimes he goes to bed just fine other nights he just needs extra love. I know if I give him a sippy of milk when he goes to bed, he thinks that's nice and drifts off to sleep. You just have to use your best judgement.
Hope your stepson doesn't get in too much trouble on that cig deal.
I admit it: for a number of reasons both my kids spent their first few years in the bed I also shared with my then-husband—when he was home. I could rationalize this decision in many ways, but the truth is I was so exhausted I would have traded my soul for a full night's sleep. I just didn't care. And when I tried to Ferberize my oldest, it broke my heart. I couldn't step aside from what my instinct as a mother was telling me (correctly or not): my baby needed me. I just couldn't do it.
My sister used to console me with the mantra: They'll sleep in their own beds by college. (There were times I worried about whether that would really come to pass.) At 12 and 8, though, they put themselves to sleep, in their own beds, as they have for years. Believe it or not the agony of sleeplessness I went through is just a painless memory. (Not that sleeping well was granted me: I just have the opportunity now.)
I know that doesn't help you much now, but maybe you can take comfort in knowing it WILL eventually be okay—maybe that can get you through one really awfully tired day. And if you can hear what your instinct is telling you, go with that. And only that.
Please let us know how things are going
Thinking of you.
Lisa
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