Happy mediums
I'm starting to think maybe I was raised by wolves.
Perhaps I'm being unkind to wolves in my assessment of their parenting skills, but I really am shaking my head after some comments by my mom and eldest sister.
Now I'll give them both the fact that it's been a long while (40 and 20 years, respectively)since either of them has raised an infant and attitudes and things have changed yada yada yada but seriously, folks?
Some of the comments have been as such:
"Wrap the baby up and leave him outside for a couple of hours - it'll do him good to get fresh air and you'll get a break". This said when it was in the 30-40s (Farenheit).
"You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to breastfeed - I mean, you need to take care of YOU!"
Her: "You shouldn't hold him all the time". Me: "But he's clingy and cranky and I don't think he's feeling well - besides, he screams when I put him down". Her: "Well, just put him in the crib and go out for a walk".
Me: "He just got his shots and is sleeping, I want to keep an eye on him". Her: "Put him in his crib and go to sleep yourself. He'll be fine".
(OK, maybe that last one isn't that big a deal when you read it, but it is to me. I am a mom and an RN, I am well aware - probably far too aware - of the many issues that can arise when it comes to vaccine reactions. And hell, I've been reading too many "don't vaccinate your kid" websites, I admit it. Besides, he doesn't sleep in his crib. Yet.)
So now I figure that I must have been left alone in my crib, screaming for hours in the cold Winnipeg snow. It stands to reason.
I'm just getting tired of the judgments that are being handed down by the Famiglia. Many warnings of how I needed to get Imri accustomed to the bottle - well, he took to it without any problems - or practice - when we were out holiday shopping in the mall. How he's "too clingy".
You see, I don't believe in letting babies this young "cry it out". Actually, I don't believe in CIO at all, at any age. I don't believe that infants should be left alone to scream. Nor do I believe that I am spoiling my son. Does he need to learn to go to sleep on his own? Absolutely. Does sticking him in a crib and letting him deal with the consequences at 8-9 weeks of age sound like a plan? Not even close.
Basically it boils down to this (and both Beaver Girl and Day seem to be addressing similar issues) - I am the parent and I will parent as I see fit. I may suck at it, but as long as my son is happy, well-fed, content and flourishing I can't be sucking too badly.
And according to the doctor, Imri is in the 75th percentile for height and weight and meeting all his milestones, so I'm thinking he's doing pretty well.
In the meantime, he got 4 (poor baby boy!) shots yesterday. DTaP, Polio, Hib (meningitis) and Pneumococcus. It was very important to me that he get his Hib vaccine, as I had meningitis as an infant and very nearly died. As a result - well, other than the obvious, I also have no hearing in my left ear. As for the others? I read up at this good site and made some decisions. The RN who administered the shots was very good at her work and I was thankful. Imri stopped crying after 3-4 minutes and only I was left with tears.
I gave him Tylenol in the doc's office around 11 am and figured we'd see how he did, rather than just dose him round the clock. He slept and ate and seemed pretty good, overall. At 4pm, just after a diaper change, he started to scream. I gave Tylenol quickly but the screaming continued. He screamed. And screamed. Imri is usually relatively easy to console and he was having none of it. I called the ped's office and after being on hold for 10 minutes and almost hanging up and driving like the crazed mother I am to the hospital, a nurse finally came on and basically told me to stick it out another 15-20 minutes and if he was still going for it, I should call back. Fortunately, after *only* 25 minutes of screaming, he finally quieted. His mother, however, was another story. Did I mention that during this time I kept trying to get ahold of John frantically, only to find he wasn't answering his cellphone? Yeah, that wasn't fun either. I was a mess of tears by the time he walked in the door.
Anyway, I dosed Imri again at 8 and again around 1:30 am, just to make sure he was ok. This morning his temp is 99.7 which is fine and I didn't give him any more - he's also been sunshiny, smiling, laughing and cooing.
Up till now, that is. I decided to start getting him used to being put to bed and soothing himself to sleep - that method where you put your baby down and let him know you're there if he gets very fussy, even pick him up and shush for a while but put him down again ... it took a good 45 minutes but he eventually did fall asleep. Poor little guy - crying with his eyes closed, he was so tired. I hate when he cries. But he did eventually fall asleep from sheer exhaustion - and he knew I was there the entire time.
I guess it's some form of happy medium.
Time for my nap too. Can't you tell?
Perhaps I'm being unkind to wolves in my assessment of their parenting skills, but I really am shaking my head after some comments by my mom and eldest sister.
Now I'll give them both the fact that it's been a long while (40 and 20 years, respectively)since either of them has raised an infant and attitudes and things have changed yada yada yada but seriously, folks?
Some of the comments have been as such:
"Wrap the baby up and leave him outside for a couple of hours - it'll do him good to get fresh air and you'll get a break". This said when it was in the 30-40s (Farenheit).
"You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to breastfeed - I mean, you need to take care of YOU!"
Her: "You shouldn't hold him all the time". Me: "But he's clingy and cranky and I don't think he's feeling well - besides, he screams when I put him down". Her: "Well, just put him in the crib and go out for a walk".
Me: "He just got his shots and is sleeping, I want to keep an eye on him". Her: "Put him in his crib and go to sleep yourself. He'll be fine".
(OK, maybe that last one isn't that big a deal when you read it, but it is to me. I am a mom and an RN, I am well aware - probably far too aware - of the many issues that can arise when it comes to vaccine reactions. And hell, I've been reading too many "don't vaccinate your kid" websites, I admit it. Besides, he doesn't sleep in his crib. Yet.)
So now I figure that I must have been left alone in my crib, screaming for hours in the cold Winnipeg snow. It stands to reason.
I'm just getting tired of the judgments that are being handed down by the Famiglia. Many warnings of how I needed to get Imri accustomed to the bottle - well, he took to it without any problems - or practice - when we were out holiday shopping in the mall. How he's "too clingy".
You see, I don't believe in letting babies this young "cry it out". Actually, I don't believe in CIO at all, at any age. I don't believe that infants should be left alone to scream. Nor do I believe that I am spoiling my son. Does he need to learn to go to sleep on his own? Absolutely. Does sticking him in a crib and letting him deal with the consequences at 8-9 weeks of age sound like a plan? Not even close.
Basically it boils down to this (and both Beaver Girl and Day seem to be addressing similar issues) - I am the parent and I will parent as I see fit. I may suck at it, but as long as my son is happy, well-fed, content and flourishing I can't be sucking too badly.
And according to the doctor, Imri is in the 75th percentile for height and weight and meeting all his milestones, so I'm thinking he's doing pretty well.
In the meantime, he got 4 (poor baby boy!) shots yesterday. DTaP, Polio, Hib (meningitis) and Pneumococcus. It was very important to me that he get his Hib vaccine, as I had meningitis as an infant and very nearly died. As a result - well, other than the obvious, I also have no hearing in my left ear. As for the others? I read up at this good site and made some decisions. The RN who administered the shots was very good at her work and I was thankful. Imri stopped crying after 3-4 minutes and only I was left with tears.
I gave him Tylenol in the doc's office around 11 am and figured we'd see how he did, rather than just dose him round the clock. He slept and ate and seemed pretty good, overall. At 4pm, just after a diaper change, he started to scream. I gave Tylenol quickly but the screaming continued. He screamed. And screamed. Imri is usually relatively easy to console and he was having none of it. I called the ped's office and after being on hold for 10 minutes and almost hanging up and driving like the crazed mother I am to the hospital, a nurse finally came on and basically told me to stick it out another 15-20 minutes and if he was still going for it, I should call back. Fortunately, after *only* 25 minutes of screaming, he finally quieted. His mother, however, was another story. Did I mention that during this time I kept trying to get ahold of John frantically, only to find he wasn't answering his cellphone? Yeah, that wasn't fun either. I was a mess of tears by the time he walked in the door.
Anyway, I dosed Imri again at 8 and again around 1:30 am, just to make sure he was ok. This morning his temp is 99.7 which is fine and I didn't give him any more - he's also been sunshiny, smiling, laughing and cooing.
Up till now, that is. I decided to start getting him used to being put to bed and soothing himself to sleep - that method where you put your baby down and let him know you're there if he gets very fussy, even pick him up and shush for a while but put him down again ... it took a good 45 minutes but he eventually did fall asleep. Poor little guy - crying with his eyes closed, he was so tired. I hate when he cries. But he did eventually fall asleep from sheer exhaustion - and he knew I was there the entire time.
I guess it's some form of happy medium.
Time for my nap too. Can't you tell?
posted by K|nneret at 8:49 AM
5 Comments:
Bravo, Ms. K. You tell 'em.
As I'm sure you know, I'm with you on all those points.
I scolded my MIL the other day for waiting until Simon "was REALLY crying" in order to feed him. It was her passive-agressive way to get me back for scolding her the week before for force feeding him. Can you imagine? She was yelling MANGIA and literally shoving the bottle in his mouth while he was fighting her and crying. And somehow I'm supposed to be the naive one in all this. Nah, I don't think so.
We were raised by an archaic generation, and they're feeling guilty as hell watching us take such good care of our babies. The guilt is killing them.
What day said.
And 8 - 9 weeks is too young to CIO (with the caveat that if you've checked everything and he is clean, dry, fed, and screaming even if you're holding him - then it's okay to put him down in his crib or swing or bouncy seat and take a little tv/computer/bang-your-head-against-a-wall break for yourself so you don't go bonkers.
No one knows your baby better than you do--no one. Go with your gut instincts--you're not some uneducated, inexperienced teenage mom--you know a thing or five! That said, I always half-jokingly said that first-borns survive and thrive despite their parents' best intentions. Hang in there.
I agree with Beth about following your instincts.
I think it's a super idea to start teaching him how to soothe himself, and to fall asleep from a drowsy but awake state. Wish we'd done it sooner! I barely slept for the first 5 months of Emily's life, and then we had to rock her to sleep until she was 9 months old. When I decided I finally had enough (she was 17lbs!) she caught on by the same evening. They learn amazingly fast!
that was Lisa btw!
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